Writer of Soul-Searching Snark

The New Dwarfs

Grumpy got tired of the incessant cheerfulness of his fellow dwarfs. For God’s sake, the whistling alone was enough to drive a dwarf mad. Add to that the singing and all that damn going off to work. Really? Shut the f*** up already. Grumpy sent an e-mail to Snow White letting her know that if she needed his services, she could text him and he’d be there soon enough. In the meantime, he was hanging out at the Tiki bar with his new friends: Cranky, Sweaty, Smelly, Sticky, Hateful and Nappy.

After drinking a keg of beer, they took another gander at the thermometer here at WTF Acres and decided that a dip in the snake-ridden pond was a good idea. All their frolicking upset the ducks, but they were too hot to chastise the dwarfs properly. The dogs watched all the action from the air conditioned side of the glass door. I thought to myself, hey, Snow White’s dwarfs are hanging out in my pond, I should take a video because it probably won’t happen again anytime soon. I stepped outside, took two steps and my hair kinked so tight I got a headache. So, instead of taping for all posterity the unbelievable site of cute little hats and funky leather boots littering my pond bank, I went back inside. Who needs footage of skinny dipping dwarfs anyway?

I had a wreath on the door, but it melted

For the record, Happiness is -100, not 100+!


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