Writer of Soul-Searching Snark

Opposites?

A few years ago, I stumbled upon The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. She describes in detail the Law of Attraction, which is summed up in these words: ask, believe and receive. I’ve also listened to Mike Dooley’s audio program: Manifesting Change It Couldn’t Be Easier. Mr. Dooley’s basic premise is: Thoughts Become Things. This is easy enough for me to understand. If I think I’m fat, stupid and lazy. Then, guess what? I’m fat, stupid and lazy. If I don’t think I deserve love, then I don’t deserve love. If I think I’m a talented, multiple NY Times Bestselling author, then I am. You see, you never think in future tense, otherwise you’re always reaching for the goal, but it’s just beyond your grasp; therefore, I AM a NY Times Bestselling author.

Okay, so I get it. I ask. I believe I’ll get what I ask for and sit back and wait to receive it. Ask and ye shall receive and whatnot.

Back in January, I decided I needed a kitten. Sure, I already have 3 and Jasmine tried to kill the last kitten that entered my household. I brought in a younger, cuter model and she was jealous. Totally understandable. In order to avoid such bloodshed, I figured a little male kitten wouldn’t be as threatening to her.

I stated to the universe: I want a six-week-old, male, long-haired, yellow tabby KITTEN. About a month later, look at what I found:

At least she's yellow!

Last Thursday, a guy in my writers’ group mentioned that he has 5 kittens. I asked if he had any long-haired ones and he said “no.” So, I told him and the universe that I’m looking for: a six-week-old, male, long-haired, yellow tabby KITTEN.

Look what I found Friday morning:

At least this puppy is male.

So, in order to manifest this:

I’m going to make this statement: I want a 48 year old hag with green teeth, six toes and greasy, stringy dishwater blonde hair.

Just in case I’m playing with fire, let me say, “Universe, I’m just kidding around. Okay, not totally kidding. I wouldn’t turn the abs man away.”

I’m heading outside now to check for stray, stranded, smoking hot and extremely grateful smoldering men.

Advertisements

Comments on: "Opposites?" (2)

  1. Hahaha. Be careful what you wish for!

  2. I know. I’m being VERY careful of what I’m wishing for. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: