Writer of Soul-Searching Snark

Posts tagged ‘sleep’

Dogs! WTF?

Dogs! WTF?.

Dogs! WTF?

Gangsta of Love

There’s a reason I have a cat tattoo. I’m a CAT person. Not a dog person. CAT person! Got that universe?! I don’t give a rip what kind of lesson you’re trying to teach me. I give up. I’m destined to go through all eternity being tortured by dogs because I surrender. I can’t take it anymore.

Sure, cats can be annoying. They jump on the table, scratch the furniture and let’s face it, the litter box is downright icky. They tend to frolic through the house at a high rate of speed in the middle of the night and are picky eaters. Even with all their faults, they’re easier to live with than dogs.

I live in the boonies and the dogs are outside all day chasing deer, feasting on rotten armadillo, skinny dipping in the pond. They explore the woods and guard the ducks from invading hordes of unseen and/or nonexistent creatures. They’re great while they are outside.

The problem starts about 7 every night. After they eat dinner, 2 of the dogs want to go outside. The other 2 want to nap. As soon as the outside dogs want in, the other 2 want out.

No wait! Apun is inside? I must be with her. So, Reba stands at the door whimpering. Mama, mama, I want in. I want INNNNNNN.

Apun and Reba are inside, but Kadee and Luna are outside.

No, Mama, I must be with YOU. So, I let in Kadee and Apun goes outside to hang with Luna.

Dax (wonderful cat) crawls in my lap. Kadee sleeps next to my leg. We’re comfy. Considering vegging for a minute in front of the TV, but Apun MUST be inside. Has to be. Right. This. Minute.

She barks. Whines. Scratches the door. No results.

So, she runs around the house, jumps on the deck and stands in front of the big, glass door. She barks. Whines. Scratches the door.

There’s no ignoring her. The barks get louder, the scratching gets rougher and then she body slams the door.

The comfortable seating arrangement is disrupted when I have to get up to let Apun in. By now, I’m too annoyed to watch mindless TV and decide to go to bed and read. So, I have to get all the dogs inside. About the time, I reach the door to holler for everyone, a pack of coyotes passes through and the dogs take off.

Gassed the puppy with my shoe. Now, that's a good dog!

Leave the dogs out all night? Great idea. Until Apun stands in front of the bedroom window. She barks. Whines. Scratches the window.

Get up. Let the dogs in. Go back to bed. An hour later, Kadee needs to go outside. Since she’s in potty-train mode, I get up and let her out. Can she go out alone? No way. Everyone else goes outside and disappears into the darkened woods.

I get back to sleep only to be awakened a few hours later by dogs that want to come back inside.

Rainy days are impossible!!

This goes on all night. I haven’t had longer than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep in weeks. You know what happens when I don’t get sleep? I get grumpy. You think I’m bitchy and hard to get along with when I’m well rested and smiling. Holy smokes. You haven’t seen grumpy until you witness me with 3 hours of sleep. It’s ugly.

Solution? I’d say bark collars and a magnetized doggie door. Okay, honestly, the first solution that came to me at 1:00 this morning was target practice, but now I’m jacked up on caffeine and I’m thinking doggie door. Fingers crossed I can convince one of the 2 folks who would be doing the installing that it’s a good idea.

Send positive thoughts my way. Or, even better, adopt one of my dogs!!! I’d keep you supplied in cookies for life! 🙂